5 Reasons Never to Shave Again

Cost analysis featured in The Compass, a style journal by Black Lapel. Money: apparently something only men care about.

1. You’re going to be damn glad for the extra layer of warmth between your skin and the frigid insides of your clothes in February when it hits a high of -10 degrees F.

2. You were born pretty much hairless, then you grew up. You grew hair. Your mom cried during your first ever Big Girl haircut. Every long straight strand and dark curly is a mark of your maturity, your wisdom. Own it. I don’t want to be 12 again, and I don’t think you want me to look like I am either.

3. You know who else I don’t look like? Barbie. Or a department store mannequin. I bet they get freakin’ cold in there when it’s February and the heat goes on the fritz in Cruise Wear.

4. I know. It’s embarrassing the first time you show up to open swim at your local YMCA in late February with your kids and remember that you haven’t shaved ANYWHERE on your body in about three months. Armpits. Bikini. Legs. But then you remember that you’re a 38-year old mom, and that no one looks at you anymore, especially the 17-year old male lifeguard and his friend. You cavort in the nearly 70-degree pool and praise God for your hairy body when you have to go back outside.

5. Women’s.Razors.Suck. And are ridiculously expensive. Why is it again that women need special razors to shave their body hair? Oh yes. My soft, curvy curves. I’m not all angles, dammit! Riddle me this: When you haven’t shaved in three months and you want to jump back in, how many passes do you think you have to make with those awful pink petal quadruple blade femmy-razors? Several. How many passes do you have to make with the husband’s old fashioned single blade safety razor? One. Uno. Oh, and need a new blade? Just change it out from your pack of a billion you bought on Amazon for $12.

6. I know, this is a sixth reason. If you’re still reading, then you probably need to read this one. Shaving is a personal thing, I know. But I’ve been a card-carrying shaver and plucker of hair since I was about 13. I’m tired. For me, it’s just one more responsibility I’ve shouldered for a long while, like birth control pills. My period keeps coming back, just like all that hair. What’s the point? Looking sexy? Young? Clean? Feeling smooth? Being desirable? Funny thing, my husband has never, ever suggested to me—not even once— that I needed to shave my this, that, or the other. We did, on the other hand, agree about the vasectomy. And his losing the beard.

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